The Sisterhood Code: Are We Really Lifting Each Other Up, or Just Throwing Shade?

The Sisterhood Code: Are We Really Lifting Each Other Up, or Just Throwing Shade?

Ladies, let’s talk. At what point in life do we stop seeing other women as competition and start embracing the sheer power of sisterhood? Is there a magical age when we suddenly decide to hold hands and sing kumbaya, or are we forever locked in an unspoken battle of who wore it better, who’s more successful, and whose kid is the most well-behaved at brunch?

I’ll be honest, growing up, I didn’t always get along with other girls. The sheer drama of high school alone—where friendships were more fragile than my willpower in front of a cheese board—was enough to make me question whether female friendships were even worth it. One minute you’re braiding each other’s hair, and the next, you’re getting iced out because you dared to talk to someone else at lunch. I mean, really, Susan, was it that deep?

Are we hardwired for competition?  Let’s face it: we’ve all been guilty of side-eyeing a woman we don’t even know. Maybe it’s her outfit, her confidence, or the way she seems to float through life while we’re over here forgetting our own phone number. But why? Is it jealousy? Insecurity? Or just a habit ingrained in us from years of societal conditioning?

There’s something in us that makes us wary of other women at first glance. Like, "who does she think she is wearing those heels on a Tuesday morning?" But the truth is, she’s probably just out here living her best life, and we should be cheering her on instead of mentally critiquing her shoe choices.

Part of this competitive streak may stem from survival instincts—back in the day, resources were scarce, and securing the best mate, the best food, or the best social status could mean the difference between thriving and, well, not. Fast forward to modern times, and while we no longer need to fight over who gets the last woolly mammoth steak, that instinct to assess, compare, and compete is still lingering like a bad Tinder date who won’t take a hint.

Then, of course, there’s the media. From childhood, we’re fed a steady diet of narratives that pit women against each other. "Who wore it better?" "Are they feuding?" "Who’s the real queen of pop?" Even when we don’t realize it, we’ve internalized the idea that another woman’s success somehow diminishes our own. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

The Sisterhood Awakening happens at some point—typically after we’ve paid a few bills, survived a heartbreak or two, and realized that life is exhausting enough without unnecessary drama—something shifts. We start valuing the women in our lives. The ones who will tell you (gently) when your outfit is questionable, who will hold your hair after a night of regrettable decisions, and who will hype you up when you’re doubting yourself.

We also start recognizing that another woman’s success isn’t a threat—it’s an inspiration. Instead of comparing ourselves to the woman who seems to have her entire life together (spoiler: she probably doesn’t, she’s just good at faking it), we start seeing her as someone to learn from, not compete with.

Personally, the most important relationships in my life—outside of my husband and father—are with my mother, my daughter, and my handful of ride-or-die girlfriends. These women? They’ve seen me at my best and my absolute worst (including that tragic DIY haircut in 2007), and they love me anyway. That’s the kind of energy we should all be striving for.

Because let’s be real—life is hard enough. Bills, breakups, bad decisions (looking at you, low-rise jeans phase)—we need all the support we can get. And who better to lift us up than other women who get it?

The sexism we put on ourselves is outrageous!  Let’s talk about how we judge each other—particularly when it comes to sexual freedom. You ever notice how we tend to be way harder on other women than men ever are? According to research, women are judged more harshly than men for the same sexual behaviors. (Shocker.) A study from the Journal of Sex Research found that even women hold other women to stricter standards than they do men. So basically, Chad can have a revolving door of dates and still be "a catch," but if a woman does the same, she’s "questionable." Make it make sense!

It’s like we’ve all been conditioned to believe in some archaic purity contest that we didn’t sign up for. We whisper about women who are "too wild," "too free," or "too much," all while secretly envying their confidence. Why do we care so much? If someone is living her life in a way that makes her happy and isn’t hurting anyone, why do we feel the need to police her choices?

And let’s not even get started on how men get a free pass in this department. A guy can openly brag about his escapades, and he’s met with admiration or, at worst, mild amusement. Meanwhile, a woman so much as hints at having an adventurous dating life, and suddenly she’s the town scandal.

It’s 2025, and we should know better by now. Maybe instead of tearing each other down, we should be focusing that energy on dismantling the very double standards that hold us all back. Let’s normalize women making choices that work for them—without judgment, without shame, and without comparing them to some outdated rulebook none of us actually agreed to.

And what about those pint-sized mean girls? My daughter is 11, and even when she was 9, she’d come home with stories from school that made me question my faith in humanity. Girls forming exclusive cliques, deliberately leaving others out, making fun of someone’s shoes—where do they even learn this stuff? Because I swear, I never sat her down and said, "Sweetie, make sure you establish dominance on the playground by shunning the new girl." Interestingly, studies show that girls are more prone to relational aggression (a fancy term for being emotionally manipulative) than boys. While boys might physically fight and move on, girls engage in a more psychological battlefield. They form alliances, spread rumors, and use social exclusion as a weapon. It's like an episode of Survivor, except the prize is a seat at the lunch table.

So, what’s the fix?  We have to actively work on breaking this cycle. It starts with how we talk about other women, how we raise our daughters, and how we treat the women around us. Imagine if instead of judging the woman at the gym who’s somehow running at level 10 while we’re dying at level 3, we just acknowledged her badassery and moved on? Revolutionary, I know.

At the end of the day, there’s enough room for all of us to shine. When one woman wins, it’s a win for all of us. So let’s put down the judgment, pick up the pom-poms, and start genuinely supporting each other. Because life is too short, and let’s be real—wouldn’t we all rather be on the same team?